Weigh-in and weekend update

Ate too much last week and didn't stick to my liquid diet like I planned. My weigh-in today: 196.2, exactly the same as last week. Ug. However, given how much I ate, I'm just glad I didn't gain.

Went to Old Navy yesterday. The only jeans shorts they have are on the clearance rack because it's now fall, so I spent quite a bit of time hunting around for a pair of 14 shorts (to fit me now), and a pair of 12's as my next goal. I finally found two pairs and bought them and took them home - and the 14s are skin tight. WTF?!?!? I have size 14 jeans from the same store and they fit fine, as do my size 14 jean shorts that I bought previously. Looks like I will have to lose a bit more for them to fit. I have to wonder if they have the wrong tag in them because they are just as tight as the 12's. Grrrr...

Alcorexia...again

I know I'm sick. You know why? The majority of my calories come from alcohol and I don't even care. I might do nothing but drink wine all day and I'm good with that as long as my calories are within my "losing" limit. I no longer care where my calories come from, as long as I lose weight.

I ate yesterday. I had to work 12 hours. Little sleep + overtime = bored and hungry. So I ate.

I'm back on the wagon today and eating nothing and just drinking (mostly alcohol). Not going to eat solid food until church on Saturday. Must. Lose. This. Weight. Next goal - size 12 jeans. I will get there!

Thinspo sayings

Click the pics to view the full sizes.

Onederland!

Weighed in at 196.2 this morning! That officially puts me in Onederland! Woot! Woot! I was 202 last week so that's a loss of 5.8 pounds this past week!

Had to have dinner with sis and brother on Friday. I told them I was on a strict diet and just drank my protein shake. April was worried about me and gave me a bite of salad. She also put a tomato and cheese appetizer on my plate. I cut a bit off with my knife and ate one bite.

However, my calories were pretty high because I had wine before and after the dinner, and while there I had two gin and tonics. At least it was diet tonic. Oh, and I had one margarita, and that was regular, full sugar.  :-p

On Thursday I noticed my size 16 jeans were getting loose. They wouldn't stay on my waist and kept falling down to my hips and I had to keep hiking them back up. Friday I tried on a pair of 14s and they fit! {happy dance}

Saturday is my eating day and I ate too much, but I am back on the wagon today and back to my liquid diet. I kind of miss the Master Cleanse lemonade. I might buy more lemons and make some more. Drinking one 32 oz. bottle a day seems to help keep my blood sugar up, and it didn't taste half bad.

Liquid fast continues

So yeah, like I said, I ate too much Monday night. I'm counting this liquid fast from 1 am Tuesday morning. Been drinking 32 oz. of Master Cleanse lemonade and 1 protein shake. The lemonade will be gone after today; then maybe I can switch to 2-3 protein shakes a day. Plus alcohol of course. I could lose so much faster if I didn't drink!

My sister is in town this week and wants to see my Friday. I'm not sure if I will eat with her tomorrow or just say I'm on a strict diet and drink a protein shake while they all eat.

63 hour liquid fast so far. I feel so much better getting some nutrition from the lemonade and protein shake.

"Alcorexia"

So I'm going to get about 1500 calories today, with about 950 of that coming from alcohol. Damn, I suck. I could restrict and lose no problem except for the damn alcohol.

My sister is in town. She wanted to see me today, but it didn't work out. So now I have to see her Friday.

My weight this morning was 198.2. I know it's just water weight, but I love seeing a number below 200. Maybe next week on my official weigh-in day (Sunday), I'll break the barrier.

Oh...for anyone who cares, here's the scale I use:
http://www.amazon.com/Tanita-BF679W-Scale-Monitor-Water/dp/B0009V1YPK/

Chicken Pot Pies

Ate way too much yesterday, and once I started, it was hard to stop, ending with a high calorie Marie Calendar's chicken pot pie before bed.  :-p

I'm back on the wagon today. I'm going to liquid fast until at least Friday. All I will have is the Master Cleanse lemonade with the plain protein powder mixed in, a protein shake, and my wine (of course). It'll be close to 1200 calories per day, but that just means I should be able to do it with no problem. Going to get this weight off!

Click the picture to enlarge.

Pretty much what I'm "eating" today. I'll have another diet soda or two. The "1500 calories" number at the top is what I'm supposed to eat to lose weight.

Weekend update

Ate a lot the last two days. I always eat so much on my days off. I even ate popcorn at the movies and I wasn't even hungry! And it was a big bag, too! I asked for a "little" butter on it and they poured it on.  :-p

Sunday is my official weigh-in day. Weighed in at 202 even. That's not bad considering how much I've eaten the last two days. It used to be a binge like that would have me over 210 the next day. I'm now so close to Onederland!

Liquid fasting today with the Master Cleanse lemonade with plain protein powder added. Juiced the rest of the lemons and made four more servings for this week. Now I'm out of lemons and still have a lot of maple syrup left. Not sure what to do with it.

On Friday I went to Costco and bought protein shakes - a healthier way to liquid fast than the lemonade since it's low in sugar and high in protein.

Binge

Ok, haven't updated here in a few days.

I ate mostly healthy on Monday. By the time I decided to binge it was too late to do any serious damage. Tuesday I binged, and today (Wednesday) I was up to 204.8 on the scale.  :-p

Back to a liquid diet today and tomorrow.

Hoping to go to Costco on Friday and get egg whites and salad. Depends on what they have.

I'm going to lose this weight.

7 days liquid fasting complete!

Somehow made it through Friday and Saturday without eating until the wee hours of Sunday morning when my 7 days of liquid fasting was up. I was feeling like shit and really needed to eat, so I broke my fast about 1 a.m. this morning and had pot stickers and lasagna left over from Saturday's potluck.

And yet, even after eating last night, I still came in under 200 this morning at 199 even.  :) I'm so stoked about that. Starving really works. Makes me want to fast more and encourages me to not binge.

I'm eating today - healthy stuff. Let's see if I can hold that weight after a whole day of eating instead of just one meal.

Some inspiration

These are sayings I've found useful. None of this is mine, but mined from other websites:

Don't eat. If you want to see food look in the mirror at your thighs.

The difference between want and need is self-control.

Hunger pangs are fat leaving the body.

This is forever. I will do whatever it takes. I want to be thin more than anything, even food.

Empty is pure.

Giving in to food shows weakness. Be strong.

Time spent wasting is not wasted time.

You can learn to love anything I think, if you need to badly enough. I trained myself to enjoy feeling hungry. If my stomach contacts, or I wake up feeling nauseated, or I'm lightheaded, or have a hunger headache or better yet, all of the above, it means I'm getting thinner, and it feels good. I feel strong, on top of myself, in control.

You will be FAT if you eat today. Put it off just one more day.

Don't give up what you want most for what you want in the moment.

Hunger is your friend and won't betray you like food.

Beauty Queen? or Dairy Queen?

Starving is an example of excellent willpower.

If you close your mouth to food, you can know a sweeter taste.

The word is control. That's my ultimate - to have control.

If you eat, you'll look like those disgusting, fat, ghetto, and trailer trash hookers on Jerry Springer. (This is so true of me since I do look like one of them now!)

Starve off the parts you don't need.

Food is my ultimate enemy. I may look, and I may smell, but I may not touch!

I shall not be tempted by the enemy (food), and I shall not give into  temptation should it arise. Should I be in a weakened state and I should cave, I will feel guilty and punish myself accordingly, for I have failed her.

I will be thin, at all costs. It is the most important thing; nothing else matters.

------

The following are by me:

I'm so tired of being chained to my stomach.! Is it boss or am I?!? The best stomach is an EMPTY stomach, subject to my desire for it to be empty, not its desire to be full. STAY PURE, STAY EMPTY. I shall remain EMPTY until I choose to eat, and I choose not to eat.

My stomach does not need food. It simply wants the feeling of being full. It does not need to be full. I'm tired of being a slave to it and for once it will be a slave to ME!

Letters

Dear auto fix-it place next door,

It is summer. That means the windows are open here 24/7 because we don't have air conditioning. I work evenings so I don't need to hear you blasting Michael Jackson from your ghetto car at 9 a.m.

Dear HOA,

Can we please stop having fire drills at 10 a.m., for the same reasons listed above? I need some sleep!

Thank you.

Signed,
Tired in California

Four days down

In about 5 more hours it will be 4 days on this liquid diet.  I took communion at church today, but I'm not going to count a little wafer and a sip of sweet wine (I drink wine anyway).

In the morning it seems like fasting is a breeze. All I want when I get up is coffee. When I'm running around doing errands or walking I'm fine. But when I get to work in the afternoon the hungries get 10x worse and it takes all my willpower not to eat.

Need more of the Master Cleanse lemonade. I'm going to use limes this time, so I'll be up late hand juicing them all and mixing the lemonade. I add plain protein powder to it to protect my muscle mass.

Liquid fast, day 3

I only lose weight when I liquid fast. Today is day 3. No eating for this girl. I'm over 200 pounds. Let my body eat itself to survive. My tummy is grumbling something fierce. I don't care. It's not getting any food. This weight WILL come off.

Here's yesterday's stats. The 957 figure includes both the lemonade and the wine I drank. Click the photo for the full size.

Bodymedia armband

I adjusted the preferences on my BodyMedia armband this morning. I changed "get active" to "weight loss." My AD is slowing my metabolism so I reset my 3000 calorie a day goal (which I used to hit most of the time) to 2500 (I hate you Zoloft!!!).  I selected that I want to lose 2 pounds a week so that means a 1000 calorie deficit every day, so that means no more than 1500 calories a day MAX.

My lemonade drink and alcohol provide about 81g of carbs and 24g of protein (from the whey protein I add to the lemonade). Going to do this as long as I can. The drink plus alcohol is putting me in a hair under 1000 calories a day.

Tips and Tricks

Things to do when you're hungry:

a.      Drink a glass of water quickly (will make you gag a little). Makes you slightly nauseous and decrease your desire for solid food.
b.       Drink a diet soda instead; tell yourself it’s a meal.
c.      Take your clothes off and look at your body in the mirror. Pinch bits of fat and think about what you ate that did that: here is the bowl of pasta, there’s that slice of pizza, the bag of chips, those peanut butter cookies, etc. Ask yourself if it was really worth it.
d.      If you’re wearing jeans, put on shorts and sit with your thighs pushed down against the surface of a chair/bed/etc. Think about how disgusting they are; like flat fat fucking pancakes oozing with fatty syrup and whipped cream.
e.      Tell yourself that your body is confused. It isn’t hungry, it’s tired. Take a nap.
f.       Clean something.
g.      Brush your teeth.
h.       Paint your nails
i.        Put on lipstick or gloss
j.       Turn on your computer/open a magazine and look at thinspo.
k.      Look at the clock. Tell yourself that you have 25 minutes. After 25 minutes drink a big glass of water. Weigh yourself. Look in the mirror. Look at your thighs. Still hungry?

-Always have a diet soda, bottled water, tea, chewing gum (5 cal/piece), or coffee with you when you are away from the house in case you get hungry or feel faint due to low blood sugar.

-When your hungry or feeling hunger pains, boil water with one or two bullion cubes. The warm water will help your stomach feel better and the bullion helps restore the decreased sodium intake in your body. (Bullion only contains 10-15 calories per cube)

40 reasons not to eat:

http://proanabyglynn.blogspot.com/2013/01/40-reasons-not-to-eat.html